I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
