I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
