She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
and you fell through a lawn chair
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