I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
