dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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