So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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