Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
