Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
