Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
