no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
