so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize