Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
