Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
