I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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