I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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