I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize