Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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