20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
this will be a night to untag.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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