If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
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