I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
