i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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