Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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