if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
