Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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