i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
