I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
