You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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