i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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