Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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