I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
