Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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