In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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