Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Randomize
