I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
