I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
