i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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