last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
