She is in my trunk
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
