I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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