im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
