I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize