I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
