you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
