I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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