similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize