Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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