HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
