my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
