onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
