The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize