he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
