And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
