you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
