Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
