When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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