At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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