I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
