He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
