wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
