we have pet lesbian snakes
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize