shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
