My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
