You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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