I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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