is your mom at the bar?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
