Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
