The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
