what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
