If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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