you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
