i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
