my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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