Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
