Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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