saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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