The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
