I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize