Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
