nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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