Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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