***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
