I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize