I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
