The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize