Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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