WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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