Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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