dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
