I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
