Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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