Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
