while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
