i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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