I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize