Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She bit a glass in half.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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