i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
