I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
