Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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